Kate Aldridge – do I hate her?
No need to stop and think:
I’d stuff her down the waste disposal
In her mother’s sink;
I’d hit her with a poker, choke her,
Smoke her like a kipper;
Strap her to the rails of
Blackpool Pleasure Beach big dipper;
Suffocate her with a cushion,
Pillows, duvets, rocks;
I’d make her eat both Joe and
Eddie Grundy’s unwashed socks;
Encase her head in concrete,
Chuck her in the river Am;
Beat her round the temples
With a frozen leg of lamb;
Throw her, like poor Nigel,
Off the Lower Lockesley roof;
Ensure that she got trampled
Under raging bovine hoof;
Fire her from a cannon
Over Lakey Hill’s tree-tops;
Fill her flapping mouth with
Hydrochloric acid drops;
Bash her head on Kenton’s
Until one of them saw sense;
If not, then nail them both
To Brookfield’s best electric fence;
Use her for an anvil
In blacksmith Carter’s forge;
Make sure she was buried
Somewhere deep as Cheddar Gorge;
Feed her so much laxative
She’ll spout crap from both ends;
Shove her in a Kenwood Chef
And watch her as she blends;
Take her on safari
And leave her out as bait;
Just make the bitch stop talking!
Oh, God! how I hate Kate!
Written and performed for DumTeeDum ep. 68:
http://dumteedum.com/dum-tee-dum-episode-68-we-all-love-debbie/ (at 36:14)